After many years practicing divorce law, there are some common issues that we find are the root cause of a marriage breakdown:
- Couples Stop Trying – Being married is a relationship that requires attention, thought, and a conscious effort. Often times, we hear the phrase in the initial consultation that the other spouse has simple stopped trying – he or she has given up on being a partner. Sometimes this means that the other spouse has stopped wanting to attend social events, stopped doing their normal household chores, stopped taking care of themselves physically or mentally, or just stopped making time for the other spouse. Regardless of how marriage is romanticized, the bottom line is you have to keep trying to be a partner every single day. These types of cases are often times the ones that end because someone has had an affair. Usually, the marriage relationship was over well before the affair happened but the affair is often highlighted as the reason for the breakdown.
- Lack of Communication – People often stop talking to each other or, more importantly, stop listening. Marriage requires that you listen to the needs of the other person and that you take those needs into account. When spouses stop telling the other person what they need or stop listening, resentment and frustration build up.
- Domestic Violence – Unfortunately, there are some relationships that end because one of the spouses has become physically or mentally abusive. This should never be tolerated. Whether it started yesterday or many years ago, there are so many resources available to survivors get out of an abusive marriage and start over.Talk to an attorney right away, get a safety plan in place. Contact Turning Point in Macomb County or HAVEN in Oakland County for assistance. Both organizations offer 24-hour crisis lines to get you the help you need fast. IF you are in immediate danger, call 911.
- Financial Issues – Sometimes a marriage ends because the financial situation has drastically changed. Often times one of the spouses has lost their job or become ill or unable to work.Credit card debt and second mortgages tends to be a huge problems in a divorce.
- People Grow Apart – Realistically, many couples file for divorce because they have just grown apart. Maybe they have developed different interests or hobbies or just decided they want different things out of life. Sometimes there isn’t one big event that has occurred but overtime the couple has just grown and changed into people who aren’t compatible anymore.
Whatever the reason, the ending of a marriage should not always be looked at as a negative event. Often times, it really is what is best for the spouses and affords them an opportunity for a fresh start where each person can find happiness and new opportunities.